should i stay or should i go

right... here i am... on a blunt attempt to CPR my blog cos its been quite dead recently...

alot of things have caught up to me these days... rottin at home for quite awhile... being alone for awhile... dont really like the feelin... i mean... here i am being excited about the fact that im gonna live on my own... no parents, no grandad, no grandma, no siblings and... no hidayat!!!

hell... wen i wake the house seems so empty... all the cookin and cleanin just fill up the time aat home while everybody is either at work or in school... at first everythin was kinda alright... but everythin gets stale for a moment...too routine...and on top of dat, i feel really... alone

wen mom or my bro comes home from their thing... ive never felt so you noe... happy. Really got me thinkin if i do wanna stay here or follow the pack... cos sooner den i expected... i dont have anyone to talk to... which is very very depressing...

all the while... ive depended on the people i love the most around me after i crashed and burn not too long ago... especially my bro... but giving a deep thought... in 4-6 mnths time... i have nothin to lean back on... which is freakin scary... no no... its hell more towards petrifying...

everybody thinks im strong enough after the way i pulled myself through... but im having doubts even towards my own self... which contradicts every freakin perception i have... which is now leaving me in a hurricane headache cos i thought i was done... am i or am i not?...

i guess its harder to trust yourself when everyone trust you a whole lot...

right now... i still await a sublime intervention