tension

mistakes... big or small we all get drowned by the wrongs we did... get eaten up... eventually spitted out... but some are dat unlucky... wherby they dun even get to have a second chance... cos the mistake they made... throws dem in fear... so forgiveness?... 2nd chances?... is just a far cry...

i just dont know anymore... u asked me to find him... yet you dun want to see him... u asked me to talk to him... and yet u dun even wanna hear wad the conversation is about... u asked me to bring him home... and unsurprisingly... u cant face him...

you... you asked me to take care of her while you were gone... wen exactly is everythin gonna be done?... the whole family tree has been buggin me even wen im at work... i cant freakin even think straight!... dont be so hard on yourself... if you love... love whole heartedly... but i noe dats impossible for you both to do dat to me... i can accept dat... but at least... for the rest of your sons...

i still remember as if its was yesterday... u said to me... "i promise myself... dat i will never love you with all my heart... cos i noe... u will disappoint me...and u already did... and u will leave this world one day... so... i wouldnt cry on your deathbed... cos it makes everything easier" at that time... i didnt understand... how could a mom say dat to his son?... but ryte now... yes... now... after 18 years of my life... i understand... everybody disapppoints... whether u like it or not... but... you forgot one thing...

i am me... i tainted your faces once... but though u wont love me as much... i love whole heartedly... cos... im just me... dats y... its hard for me... to let go.... to let someone from my family go down liddat... cos i dont weigh love with disappointment... i dont wiegh love with the pain i feel... im not lovin you less cos you left home... and niether because of wad u said to me...

im already at my weakest... physically and emotionally... with the mentality to discard all that ive percieved to live for... but ... i have the people around me... that are always dere to help me hold on... but sadly... there are also people dat want to destroy wads left of me...

where is my escape when i need it badly?...